


Sunlight Through the Cracks

by iwtv



Category: Black Sails
Genre: Anal Sex, Developing Relationship, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, angsty pining, james is so patient it kills, john is so unsure, struggling to come out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-08 06:39:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11641032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwtv/pseuds/iwtv
Summary: “Of the three previous partner you’ve had,” he began, “two out the three were partners to you  in a deeper sense of the word. And you and I…”He faltered, lips drawn tight. James said nothing, just kept his gaze fixed.“You and I…seem to be somewhere in-between,” Silver finished.James blinked slowly and picked up his boots and the brush, putting them away.“And this bothers you?” he asked, silently agreeing with Silver’s observation.“Yes…and no. I don’t know.”





	Sunlight Through the Cracks

“Where is it you see us going exactly?”

He’d been cleaning the caked mud of the Queen’s Island off his boots, in his hut when Silver had asked the question. Just a few months earlier and he might not have understood it.

He finished brushing the heel to his left boot and sat it down. He took a deep breath and stood, turning to face the other man.

“I’m not certain that question is for me to answer,” he replied, taking in his quartermaster from top to bottom, as was his habit now.

Silver hobbled up to him. He was apprehensive but his eyes never flinched away.

“Of the three previous partner you’ve had,” he began, “two out the three were partners to you in a deeper sense of the word. And you and I…”

He faltered, lips drawn tight. James said nothing, just kept his gaze fixed.

“You and I…seem to be somewhere in-between,” Silver finished.

James blinked slowly and picked up his boots and the brush, putting them away.

“And this bothers you?” he asked, silently agreeing with Silver’s observation.

“Yes…and no. I don’t know.”

Frustration bled into his tone alongside the need for definite answers. He was trying to navigate this the way one might steer a ship, James realized. But he had learned a long time ago that there were no clear-cut answers to questions of this nature.

“I’m allowing _you_ to guide this…between us. Whatever it is or isn’t,” he said at last. He swallowed, torn between saying too much or too little.

Silver’s brows knitted together. He took another step closer, shoulder swaying heavily as the crutched came down.

“Why won’t you tell me what this is? Why do you seem so afraid?”

More curiosity than an accusation, James decided. Silver was staring at him with endlessly searching blue eyes, bold in their need to know.

James closed the small gap between them. He rested his hand over Silver’s shoulder, moving it up as he pressed closer. Silver pulled back but not soon enough and James’s lips pressed into his. They parted the tiniest amount and Silver took precious seconds too long to break the kiss. And James knew then.

“What _the fuck_ are you doing?” Silver exploded, his tone too harsh for what had just happened.

James didn’t bat an eyelash.

“You wanted to know what was between us,” he said calmly.

He watched the violent swirls of emotion play across Silver’s face before he settled on denial, shaking his head.

“I am _not_ some fucking lord swooning over you,” he spat out before turning hell and leaving.

*

In the days that followed they spoke to each other about ship matter and the newly forge alliance with the Maroon people but little else. The Spanish Man-o-War, Billy and DeGroot informed him, would benefit immensely from a careening before she was ready for battle. That meant several days on a beachhead. James went into Silver’s hut to inform him.

Silver was at his desk, reading. He looked up.

“The men have chose a spot for the careening,” said James. “You don’t have to be there if you don’t wish to. I’ll oversee it.”

Silver’s face tightened.

“Why wouldn’t I wish to be there?”

James inhaled deeply.

“Because I will be.”

Silver’s nostrils flared, the only outward sign he was agitated. It was enough to prove to James he’d been right. Silver was still mulling over what had happened. James turned to leave.

“Stop.”

James came to a stop slowly and turned around.

“Was that an order?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

Silver rose from behind desk.

“No. Although wouldn’t that make for a nice change of pace. ”

He stood in front of James, lips tight together. Those blue eyes were searching again. Then he abruptly grasped James’s face and forced their lips together. James immediately reciprocated. He opened his mouth and let Silver’s tongue slips inside. Perhaps this was the only way to answer anything between them, he thought. If Silver wanted to know his feelings on the matter, he would tell him without words.

They explored the contours of one another’s lips and mouth before James’s hands began tugging at Silver’s trousers. Silver grabbed hold of James’s wrists. James froze, but neither one of them moved their hands away. James watched Silver breathing through parted lips, his gaze down where his hands touched James. Then he let go and undid the last button of his pants himself.

James slipped inside, looking at Silver’s face as his hand wrapped around Silver’s cock and began pulling. A half-abortive noise escaped Silver’s lips, his eyes half closing.

*

They fucked for the first time some days after the careening. The men were all on board, using the successful cleaning as an excuse to drink and release whatever sexual tensions they probably had after not having access to a fuck tent in ages.

There were several crewmen, James knew, who coupled together after hours. He imparted this knowledge and their names to Silver that night.

“I always suspected,” said Silver with what James thought might be a wisp of a smile.

They lay side by side on the wide windowsill, naked and sweating in the aftermath. Silver rested on his back, one arm tucked under his head. They rarely spoke much. Mostly James watched him stare at the ceiling, wondering.

*

It was James who always fucked him. Silver insisted since their first time that James do it from behind. James understood all too well. The intimacy of the act was still too overwhelming for Silver. Everything was easier to navigate when the absolute only thing between them was James’s cock.

*

After Silver’s near drowning things changed. They spoke comfortably about everything now, but in private Silver pushed him away. No, that wasn’t quite it. Silver avoided him in private more often than not. To word it as being pushed away, even if only in his mind, forced James to admit to himself the truth of the thing between them.

He hadn’t expected that behavior and it bothered him.

“I just need time,” was all Silver had said about it, blinking away from him, which was quite out of character.

James couldn’t figure it out. When Silver walked among the men and spoke to them they all felt the power of his charisma, but to James it felt like a constant churning under the surface of Silver; something that could not be contained forever. Silver was as bent and fucked up as he was, and yet they had grown stronger with each other because of it. That included their minds being in tune. Now James felt that tuning was off.

It bothered him more than he’d like to admit.

*

He was looking over charts at his desk when Silver came to the cabin door.

“I’m in need of a quick bath,” he said, carrying a bucket of water and soap with him. Generally they both took turns using the captain’s cabin to bathe—but only when they were out to sea. The island had plenty of fresh water.

James dropped his attention to the charts and gave him a look.

Silver sat the bucket down on the room’s second table. He pulled the washing blinds to him and began taking off his belt and coat.

“My leg is bothering me too much to make the journey ashore,” he said without looking up. “Feel free to stay or go.”

James narrowed his eyes. This was all wrong. Silver tossed his coat aside and stripped off his shirt, revealing the dark, smooth skin there. James’s eyes flicked over the few new scars.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he asked flatly.

Silver paused and huffed out a sigh. He looked at James this time.

“As I said, I am going to bathe.”

He leaned his crutched against the table. With one hand on its surface he steadied himself and unbuttoned his fly with his other hand. His movements were all very deft from practice.

“It would be much easier ashore, where you can sit down,” he said.

Silver ignored him, tugging down his pants with one hand. First one side, then the other. When he’d gotten them down far below his navel James rose and walked over to him, ignoring the personal boundaries Silver had re-erected since his near drowning and coming to stand within inches of him. He could feel his expression grow soft and he let his façade drop. Silver met his eyes. He licked his lips and swallowed.

“When I had finally made my way back up to the ship that day,” he began slowly, as if walking over glass, “and I broke the surface and gasped for air, I felt I was going to live. And I thought of Madi. I thought of you. I realized I was going to see you again. It was the complete opposite thought of the one that came into my mind when my boot became tangled and I was sinking to the bottom of the ocean.”

James took a step back, resisting the urge to reach out and touch him. Silver shifted his weight, hopping, but made no move for the crutch.

“I was so relieved to be alive in that moment and relieved that I would see you again. And then what was left of the ship shifted suddenly around me, threatened to sink me again. It was as if Fate wanted me to drown that day. And for a precious few seconds, I agreed with the notion. But then I thought of you again and how angry you would be if I drowned. And perhaps, I thought, what if he was more than just angry. What if he were truly upset, what if he would mourn my passing? He and Madi, they would be the only two people who would. There’s Billy, of course, but…it would not be the same.”

Silver’s eyes had drifted down to the floorboards. He raised them.

“And then I realized I would never know which of the two it would be,” he continued in earnest. “If you would simply be angry at losing a partner, or if you would mourn me they way Madi would. I made up my mind then and there not to drown, because I had to know, you see. I _have_ to know.”

Silver’s eyes searched his with nothing short of desperation. James had been teetering, torn between putting an end to it all or letting it continue. But if he stopped it he would be denying himself as much as Silver the truth of it.

James kissed him hard, hooking his hand behind Silver’s neck and pulling him in. Silver moaned and pawed at him, their mouths groping one another like fish. Silver began yanking at his clothes and James stripped them off, helping Silver out of his pants. They made their way over to the windowsill and Silver was like a bear to honey, unable to get enough. He kissed James’s throat and chest and nipples, raking his fingers down his back, flattening his palms over the taunt muscles of James’s stomach. When Silver sucked the skin over his left shoulder James pressed his body up against his own, clutching to him and suddenly wanting to weep.

“Fuck me just like this,” Silver panted out. He laid down on his back, propped up his elbows, and spread his legs. James’s breath hitched. They had never, ever faced one another before, their faces always hidden from sight along with so much else.

“Are you sure?” James asked.

Silver quickly nodded. Without asking a second time James went to his desk and swiped up a bottle of oil. He coated his fingers and worked Silver open with so much eagerness he felt his hands trembling. Silver made his cock throb. He watched James work him open, biting his lower lip, face and chest already beginning to shine with sweat. At last he told James he was ready.

James lined his cock up and pushed in. They both moaned. James braced himself with a palm next to Silver’s shoulder, situating himself until he pushed in all the way.

The ragged moan that followed came from him, not Silver.

Silver lifted his feet off the ground, blue eyes filled with lustful black. James studied him as he softly bucked over James’s cock. The sensation of his tight heat pulsing around James made the older man shudder.

“Make love to me,” Silver whispered out.

James blinked down at him, mildly shocked. ‘Fuck me’ had always been the preferred ask. But now, with Silver staring up at him, looking terrified of his own voice, James felt something inside him break down. There was no way to maintain this balance any longer. Flint knew only how to fuck, but McGraw…

James bent down and kissed Silver, thrusting his cock in the same motion. Silver hummed. James repeated the motion, kissing Silver as deep as his tongue would fit inside his mouth. In response he felt Silver’s palms run down his back, squeeze his thighs. He thrusted in at a steady pace, delighted to be able to look up at Silver’s face.

Silver didn’t shy away. James shifted to his knees and lifted Silver’s legs, opening his hole wider and fucking into him with more ease now, his rim hugging tightly to James’s cock. Silver was beside himself, tossing his head back and revealing that beautiful neck, sticky with damp, inky curls clinging to it.

“Fuck,” James panted out. He looked down at his handiwork, at the way he slid in and out of Silver so beautifully.

“Fuck, James.”

James looked up sharply, his breath catching at the sound of his first name spoken with so much need. His cock practically pulsed in response. James lowered Silver’s legs and changed their positions so that he was sitting and Silver was in his lap. Silver responded much more loudly.

“Oh, please, oh god,” he moaned, eyes screwed closed as he worked himself over James’s cock. Like this James could appreciate every inch of his body. He kissed and licked over Silver’s dark hazel nipples, squeezed over the thick globes of his ass and watched how pretty his cock bobbed against his well-muscled stomach.

Silver was breathing heavy, his cock leaking from its tip.

Without thinking James said, “You’re beautiful, John.”

He immediately felt the heat rush to his face. He should not have said it. It was too close, too private, too…

John was kissing him hard, forcing his mouth open even as they both gasped for air. With a long groan James suddenly slammed up into him. John wrapped his hands around James’s neck and tossed his head back, letting out a yowl.

“I’m gonna come,” he moaned.

James wanted to see. He took a hand and pulled it over John’s shaft quick as lightning. John could scarcely breathe but he still managed to fuck himself over James’s cock. His thumbs pressed hard into James’s pulse on either side of his neck. He felt dizzy and light-headed. John’s breath grew shorter and shorter. With a cry come shot out of him in long, creamy spurts. James kept jerking him. He looked up at John’s face, contorted with pleasure. Then his eyes opened and he slowed down over James’s cock as James squeezed over his cock-head to empty him. 

James clenched his teeth, his legs spasming as he came. His cock jerked inside John, who moaned anew. John’s hands were caressing his face, his beard. Cradling his head as he bent down for a long, slow kiss. James pushed up inside him, never wanting it to end. They clung to each other for long minutes, until finally John dismounted him and leaned up against the windowsill, exhausted.

James leaned against the other side of it. Their feet touched one another’s in the space between as they caught their breaths.

It was John who broke the spell first. He stood on his foot and cleaned up, silently gathering up his clothes. James wiped himself off but otherwise did not move. He watched as John got dressed in silence. When everything but his belt and coat were on John looked at him.

“Well are you just going to sit there naked?” he half laughed. His voice was nervous, guarded.

“Yes, actually,” he said calmly.

John’s eyes swept over him and there the want was, still fresh on his face. Want and sorrow and something darker.

James held out a palm and motioned to him.

“Come here.”

Like a wary rabbit John obeyed.

“You look as though you’d be ready to stab me in a moment’s notice,” observed James when John approached him.

John blinked.

“No, I’m sorry…I just…”

“It’s all right.”

James stood slowly and kissed him again. John pulled back.

“Forgive me,” said John. “It’s just this was very unexpected. I feel as though…I’m with a stranger,” he said.

James gave a sad smile.

“In some ways I suppose you are.”

The words settled between them. John grasped their meaning, knew about the duality of the man before him. The question was, James knew, was he ready to accept this other James? After all, John was the one who had helped bring him back to life.

“You can stay tonight if you want,” said James.

John sucked in a breath and looked around the room before his gaze settled again.

“I’m not certain that would be the best idea,” he said at length. There was no hesitation, no uncertainty in his tone. James saw without actually seeing as John pushed himself into himself and further away from him.

“All right,” said James.

John’s brows knitted together.

“Maybe…”

James waited but nothing else came. Instead John gathered up James’s clothes and placed them in his hands, fingertips brushing purposefully over his own.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said. Then he gathered his crutch and limped to the door. When he looked back at James over his shoulder he smiled. Too far away to see if it was filled with warmth or melancholy or both.

“Tomorrow,” muttered James, feeling his absence like a weight. “Tomorrow tomorrow and tomorrow.*”

\-------

* Macbeth, Shakespeare

_An ocean of difference_  
exists between  
making love and  
being made by it. 

-Tyler Knott Gregson


End file.
